While I write crime dramas and fiction, in the real world there are very few things more frustrating to me than planning something when nothing is certain. Michael and I have been together for nearly 6 years and we are finally following through on making the whole wedding thing happen.

We got engaged on March 15th, the weekend everything closed. He proposed in a snowstorm at Shaver Lake in the middle of the woods. It was beautiful, it was awkward, it was perfect. I was so excited to get planning started, to visit venues and over-wash my hands with excitement. We made it out to a venue in Thousand Oaks before everything closed. It was cute but a little sterile and we had appointments to view a few more in the coming weeks.

Then everything closed down. No one was answering emails, giving quotes, doing tours or making any sort of indication that a wedding in 2020 would even be possible. Despite all the horror that 2020 has brought to the world, I wanted one good thing, one possible bit of sunshine amid the darkness that had taken over the rest of the world.

The darkness that had settled in my heart.

For weeks, I emailed locations and vendors. I was lucky if I got one response back for every 10 that I sent. Wedgewood Weddings let us do Zoom tours of their properties, as did a few others. Yet emails were sparse and getting in touch with anyone was hit or miss.

Refusing to give up, in June we were finally able to tour 3 places in a weekend and thought we’d picked the perfect place: Los Willows in Fallbrook, CA. It was beautiful and expensive but only a few thousand out of our price range. (I know that sounds elitist, but it’s a wedding and budgets are rarely ever followed). We were ready to sign and reserve out date until they decided it was another $20 per person for a Gluten Free menu.

You might be thinking, “Why does the whole menu have to be Gluten Free?” and the answer is it didn’t HAVE to be. I wanted it to be. I get so embarrassed and uncomfortable asking and waiting to check each item if it has wheat so I can eat it. It usually involves 20+ minutes of standing around awkwardly while the person you asks finds two other people to locate the one person with the answer. It’s selfish but I just wanted one day where I didn’t have to ask. One day I could pick up and eat anything.

One day that wasn’t stressful or awkward.

We ended up visiting 3 more venues before picking the third one from the weekend, Lake Arrowhead resort. They were VERY reasonably priced, thousands less that everywhere else with rooms, cake and food included in the price. It was beautiful and quiet, not the fall paradise I hoped for but perfect in most every other aspect.

I started making decorations and planning what everyone would wear. The dog of honor was going to need training, the tables would need centerpieces, the arch needed fall foliage and the aisle needed pumpkins. I built our wedding website and started on making invitations.

Then everything shut down a second time.

As of now, I have 13 confirmed guests for a wedding in 2 and a half months and a lot of people who aren’t sure they can come to California. I have no idea if anything I planned or paid for will be enjoyed by the 60 people I invited. No one can RSVP because no one knows if their state will let them back in.

But at least we’ll get to eat cake.